Some of you might be familiar about the term already, but for you who has never heard of it, I'll just give you some example to make it easier to grasp.

All those sentences might be good and said with good purposes, but we have to becareful when we say it. So when is it ok to say it so that it doesn't become toxic?

Check it out!

Yes! Before we know when is it proper to say those motivational quotes or advice, we have to know about the meaning of Toxic Positivity first!

"Toxic Positivity is a concept of thinking that focus only on positive side and reject anything  else that can revoke negative emotion"

From the definition, you can pay attention to these words; focus only on positive and reject negative emotion. So we know the difference when it's healthy positivity and toxic positivity!  One thing you have to remember is, if you keep focusing on only the positive side, it's not heatlhy for our mental health.

WHY?

Because... as a human being, it's impossible to ony feel good, content, happy, and joyful. There are many emotion we can feel, not only the positive emotion, but also negative emotion like sadness, anger,  grieving, contempt, hopelessness, etc.. AND it's totally normal to feel that way.

Those emotion are normal, it helps you to recognize your state of mind and what is happening with or around you. If you only focus on how to feel happy, how to feel good and positive, you're actually lying to yourself. When you do that, you don't solve anything, you just repressing your problems or emotion down. But, the feeling and the problems are still there.. and more than not, tricking yourself into feeling happy when you're not, is making you confuse with your state of mind and what is happening in your life.

So when you keep doing it for a long time, imagine what it will cause your mental health...

Yes, it's good to look at the positive side, as long as it's in a healthy amount, and not actually putting aside the complicated and negative feeling without actually accepting and go through them properly.

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Another case that usually happens is that when you doesn't care enough about what is actually happening in other people live and their struggle, and you just want a quick escape from their complicated emotion, so you just push them to be positive and degrading what is their feeling at that moment...

Those 'positivity' can look like this:

"Oh please! You have so many good things in your life. Why don't you just focus on those instead of being ungrateful?"

"Why don't you just forget about it and have fun to make yourself happy?"

and many more....

Guys, please stop that. You're making them feel bad to have negative emotion.. Like it's wrong if they complain about their problems, or if they're feeling down and sad about something.. Please, it's totally normal to feel down and sad sometimes.

If you're really care about them, stay there and listen. Maybe they're actually in a stressful situation, or in grieving phase (like a bad break up or someone precious to them just passed away)... A persuasion to cheer them up is necessary (of course) so they don't stay sad, but let them vent it out.  Let them properly feel those sadness to get over it properly. Offer your ear and shoulder if they need it.

If your mental health is not in a condition where you could listen and be there for them, then say so. It's better to be honest than to push their spirit down even more by saying inproper words. Or if they still stay sad after a period of time, then you can try to persuade them to seek professional help.

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Then HOW TO STOP being toxic?

There are several step you can do..

1. Acknoledge your feeling and emotion.

If you're not used to do this, it's okay. We learn to do it slowly.

Sit down and take a deep breath. Think about what are you feeling at that moment.

Ask yourself why do you feel that way. Put a label on that emotion so it will make you easier to recognize it.

Please remember there's no right or wrong emotion, even if it's negative emotion like sadness, hopelessness, or grieving.. they're all legit emotion you can feel.

2. Take s small step to overcome your negative emotion.

After you recognize and bask in your emotion, don't forget to cheer yourself up.

Do things that will make you feel better. Take it slowly, baby step is fine too...

Please remember that every situation and people are different, so the times will vary from each other. There are also things that we can't control, so slowly learn to accept it and let it go..

Like I said before, we need a healthy amount of positivity.

What turns it into toxic positivity is when you DISREGARD your negative feeling and forcing to always be happy, content, and feel good.

3. Listen properly.

This step is for you who has friends or family member whose going through a difficult time.

Be there and listen. Don't judge, don't offer advice. Most of the time, they only need you to be there for support. And just do that.

Never blaming them for what happened, or mocking what they're feeling.

4. Encourage them to embrace what they're feeling and provide your support.

Similar to the third step, but this step is more engaging than only listen to their problems and emotion. This can be exhausting for you too, so please take care of your mental health properly.

You can say some encouraging words like "It's okay to feel sad. Take your time, I understand." or "Do you want me to do something for you?" in case they need you to stay a night to take care of them. And don't forget to encourage them to feel better after they calm down.

5. Try to write a journal or seek professional help

It will be a good way to vent your emotion out by writing a journal, and it will be easier for you to sort your feeling when you read it. You can also do it if your support system is not helping and make you feel worse rather than better.

If you're not feeling better after a while, please (and I'm really recommend it) go and look for professional help.

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So, before I end this, I want to make sure the line between healthy positivity and toxic positivity is clear.

Healthy: you acknowlegde your negative emotions and embrace them.

Toxic: You dismiss your negative emotion and only wnat to accept the positive emotion instead.

Healthy: You realized that there're up and down moments in life, and that's normal.

Toxic: You feel bad if you feel sad, angry, helpless, griefing, or any other negative emotion.

Those are the difference between healthy positivity and toxic positivity.

Do you have any experiences with both healthy and toxic positivity? I'd love to listen to your stories! Drop it here in the comment, or you can always DM me in instagram...

And I'll see you lovelies next time!

See ya!