Five Things I'm Grateful For

Hello from Jakarta! \(≧∇≦)/ Yes, I'm officially on my summer break, so I go back to my hometown. This time I don't want to post about outfit or sponsored post, I just want to share some thought that I think important to share.

I don't remember if I have said this before, but lately I think I'm not really as motivated as other fashion blogger to actually snap some pictures and update my blog on daily basis. Rather than that, I'm really into my school project and enjoying my life, and keep myself updated with worldwide news. I'm still working on my motivation in continuing my writing hobby as a blogger, so maybe I'm not going to be a (exclusively) fashion blogger. That's it. I will post more of OOTD in my instagram, so please follow me there. (• ˆ⌣ˆ •)

As for this post, it's inspired by my grandpa. Physically, he's kinda weak, but he's 100% healthy. He was depressed, and it affected him greatly. He lost the will to live, to go out, to watch TV, or to read newspaper. We live seperately 5 years ago, and we were too busy with our lives to actually go visit my grandparents. The differences is, my grandma is the high-spirited kind of person, with a lot of motivation to actually travel a lot. So she usually go to our house and stay with us for two or three months before she goes back to her house. After we finally found out about his condition, we decided to make him stay with us and we tried so hard to make him healthier. We go to psychologist, we literally fatten him up with healthy food and dessert, we bring him along to go out. He's improving a lot these past 5 years, but still, something is wrong.

As for these two years, I'm not able to accompany him and watch the improvement. But from the news I heard, he keeps talking negatively, like he wants to die quickly and all. We always scold him when he says that, or when he tries to reduce his diet portion, or when he doesn't practice walking. But it seems he never really listen to everything we said. Until lately, I think about this.

He's an atheist. Well, it's not about having a religion, but having faith. A faith of God. And he doesn't have faith of God. He never learn how to give thanks. I know that not all people with faith have this habit of saying thanks, as it's easier for us to see what we don't have, it's easier to see the negative side. It's as if we, human, are born to see the negativity of the world. It's easier for us to remember the fault others did to us, to see other people wrong-doings, to see the imperfection. Don't bother to object, as I too, once, always look at the negative side of every damn things. I know how it feels to be a pessimist, an always-see-the-negative-side kind of person.

I never feel satisfied, I always feel something is missing. I envy others who are more than me; more beautiful, kinder, richer, smarter, and so on. I always easily find what others have, but I don't have. I keep comparing myself and others, in the wrong way. I compare what I don't have with what they have. The result? I never feel the peace, my inner peace. I never satisfied with my academic score. I hate it when my little sister got praises, but I don't. I got jealous when I heard that my friends parents gave them more attention that my parents did me. All those things made me complain everyday. They made me get further away from actually saying my thanks. It's as if, God doesn't love me, never give me what I want. But, then I realized, it's not the case. It's me who see it the wrong way.

Fortunately for me, I got my church community friends who back me up, who support me, and make me learn how to be a better person. They told me to think and write 5 things I'm grateful for right before I go to bed, and say them in my prayer. It didn't change me instantly. I kept doing that 5-things-I'm-grateful-for notes for one year, before I actually can say them instantly in my pray. After that, it's easier to add more thanks everyday, and more frequently too. If on the first and second year I only say my thanks before I go to sleep, on the third year, I can say my thanks whenever I want to.

It's all started with the most basic and simple things. I give thanks for my new life, a new day, a new chance to learn how to be a better person, I still got complete and healty body, I can see, I can smell, I can move my body without any difficulties. I still have my bed, I still have house, I'm provided with food and money. I have my family with me, I still have a lot of clothes. I'm protected from the evil, I  can go to school, I can breath a fresh air (and free too), I still have good friends.. Simple things like that..

And gradually, it change more into others, rather than only me. I began to say my thanks that my parents are still alive and healthy, I can still fight and make up with my little sisters, my parents can work, my family are protected, that we can still go back home everyday, that my family is healthy, that my parents actually care for me to actually work hard to make sure I have everything that I need, that we can still go on vacation...

and more complicated things... Things that I saw as something to complain about, changed into something I can say my thanks... I finally can keep saying my thanks when I failed my test or competition, I finally can say thanks for being born into my family, into myself even if it's far from perfect. I finally can say thanks when I got into trouble, as I know that God will lead me and shape me into a stronger woman. I finally can say thanks when I'm sad, or feeling lonely.

Saying thanks change me into a person who can see the positive side of why something happened. It calms me greatly. I begin to be able to accept things, to accept my life, even if it's a failure. I begin to be able to stand up when I fall. I begin to be able to do my best on everything, and accept if the result is not as good as I want it to be. I'm not as easy to give up as before. And the most important things, I don't really envy people who achieve more than me, or faster than me. I come to believe that everyone has their own path to success; which length and obstacle vary. I come to believe that if it's not a happy ending, it's not an end, as God will always give the best plan for each of His son and daughter. It made me stronger and more optimistic in my life.

So, back to my grandpa story, I believe when he can say thanks everyday, it will gradually change his set of mind on how to see his life and the world. As his mind changing to be more positive, his will to keep doing his best, to keep trying, and to keep on living will improve greatly. And I do believe that everyone can also do the same! :)

Start your own 5-things-I'm-grateful-for notes and tell me your experiences on comment box below! :)

See you soon!


Anastasia Goenawan

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