Hey! Have you ever feel like you're dating the wrong person? Or feel like you've done everything for them but it's not good enough? Or you always feel like you always got into a bad fight over small matters? Are you exhausted jumping from relationship to relationship but it never worked out? Or maybe you're wondering why your friend(s) looks so happy going to cinema alone, having so much time for themselves, and all these problems you're facing are so out of the question for this single friend(s) of yours? Maybe, you need to take a break and think seriously, dear.....

source: yourtango.com

source: thisislovelivequotes.com

OK honeybees, this time I'm going to write about relationship with yourself. I know a lot of people will want to know more about dating relationship, but being in relationship with yourself is as important (if not more important) as dating relationship. No, I'm not relationship expert, but I observe people, I learned from my and their experiences.


Before I start this, I'll let you know that I've been single for almost 10 years after my breakup with my first and only boyfriend. Yes, I was in a relationship once, back when I was a university student, back when I was immature and thinking maybe being in a relationship would be fun and make me happier. It was nice to have someone I could contact almost 24/7, but the change from being single to 'in a relationship' was huge for me. Let just say I was naive and immature, and so did him.


So after that short relationship, I felt so relieved that everything will go back to before I was in a relationship. I went out with my family and friends, I got more me-time, and I thought a lot about what had gone wrong. Is it something about him? Or me? It's not easy to admit that I was so immature back then, but with time came wisdom.

source: yourtango.com and I can say this quote represent what I want to say very well.

source: pinterest

After these 10 years of being single, I got to say to you that the time you spent on yourself is important before you decided to jump into relationship.




1. Relationship can be draining


If you're not finished with yourself yet.
If you're in a relationship with a person who's not finished with themselves.
If you're in a relationship with the wrong person in the wrong time.

When you decide to jump into a relationship, it's like you're starting an internship in a company. Everything are new to you and you have to adjust yourself to fit into the company. You have to sacrifice some things like your freedom, your hangout time with friends/family, your alone time, or those Korea drama marathon time. But this internship might land you to your dream job (or maybe not).

It's the same as relationship, you can't be selfish and think only for yourself. You have to sacrifice things that might be important to you before; like your game time, your korea drama marathon time, or your quality time with your friends and family. Both parties have to work together and be selfless. Both parties have to realized that communication work two ways. Both parties have to trust each other and keep giving. If only one people tries hard in the relationship, it's not a healthy relationship.

Believe me, it's not the dream job you want to spend your whole life on.

To apply to an internship program, you usually have to be in your last year of university (almost finish your degree). So does relationship. You need to finish with yourself before you jump into relationship.

How do you want to love other people when you don't love yourself?
How do you want other to accept you when you can't accept yourself?
How do you intent to give when you don't have anything to give?


That's why it's important to love yourself, to accept yourself, and made sure that yourself is full before you want to love others.

source: joinblush.com

2. You have all the time to focus on yourself.

As I stated before, you need to be full before you start a relationship. And being single is the perfect time to do just that. When you're single, you have more time to discover what you like. You have more time to go to that art exhibition that you like. You have more time to learn new language or maybe improve your photography skill (or learn to cook). You have more time (and money) to travel and explore new areas. You have more time to indulge yourself in your hobbies and passion. You have more time to advance in your carrier. You have more chances to meet new people and make friends. You have more time to relax and re-discover yourself.

Being single for these 10 years brought me to the me now. I got to follow my passion and learn fashion design. I got transferred to Japan and learn japanese. I got to live alone and meet new friends. I got to boarden my vision and values. I went to many new place and exhibition as I can. I got to travel alone in foreign country and discover myself more. I got to be braver and improve my self-confidence. I got to see the world and go outside my comfort zone. For once I imagine if I decided to hold onto that relationship, or jumped into another relationship after my break-up, I might not be able to experience all of that.

So yeah... being single is not that bad. Just enjoy your moment. It's all about you and you alone. Go and discover yourself!

source: rover.ebay.com

3. Explore! Explore! Explore! Learn! Learn! Learn!

What I mean by explore and learn is these.
Go read books and article. Go to seminars that got your interest. Open your eyes, ears, and brain for new information and opinion that differ from your point of view. Learn from your past. Fill your brain with things and issues that matter. It can be anything. History, politics, economy, environmental issues, mental health, anything. As long as it helps you boarden your knowledge and personality. Because when you're single, you have more time to improve your own quality and make you feel good about yourself.

Some people need to fix their body image. If you need to fix it, then you go and learn to fix it. Learn to love yourself. Go read more books and article about body image, body shaming, and how to improve your body image. Go surround yourself with people who compliment you genuinely and with people who can support you gain confidence. It's hard when you try hard alone, but with social support, it's not that hard.

Some people need to heal from past break ups. Then don't go and jump into another relationship before you healed. It will be another disaster. Your next partner might be the right one for you, but if you're not ready, it's called for a unhealthy relationship. It's okay to take time and heal. Don't rush.

source: tinypositive.com

Some people need to discover themselves. If you don't even know what do you want, then go explore yourself first. Read more book and article about personality, meditation, or anything related to your need. Go surround yourself with people who can help you with that.

Some people need to learn to be independent. If you can't do anything alone, then it's time to get to your feet and do it alone. Doing something alone doesn't mean you're weird nor it's a bad thing. No! In fact, you need to be able to do things alone. Even in relationship, you need to take time for yourself and let your partner to enjoy their own time. So, why don't you practice this in advance? If you find yourself wander meaninglessly, then let yourself get lost (on your feet or thought).

Some people need to learn how to love themselves. If you're one of these people, then it's time to love yourself. There are a lot of book about self love. Go and read those. If they got some tips, try to do it. Or if you're a believer of one religion, then go for a community to help you heal mentally and spiritually. If you prefer a social support, then go find your social support. If you think you need professional help, go seek a psychologist.

source: rover.ebay.com

I, for once, was in this category. It's easy for me to find something bad about myself, physically and mentally. The feeling when I accidentally do something bad or wrong, the anxiety when I had to open a conversation with new people or do presentation, the anxiety when someone look at me and all I could think about was whether I said something bad or I look weird in what I wore, the unworthy feeling when I received rewards or praise, the ugly thought about how I look physically. I was lucky to find a great church community for youth that helped me with this issues. They're the one who inspire me to go and learn psychology for my university degree.

One thing is sure; We all have those period once. Don't stuck there, you have room and time for improvement. If you feel like your friends and community can't help you grow, then seek a new one. If you can't help but stuck there even with your hardwork to change, go seek a professional help.




I was thinking about this topic for a while now since I came back home. Some reason why I need to write this out are the fact that most of my friends and social support are married or dating, and some people I care about are wondering if something's wrong about them that they're still without partner. It's been nagging me as to why people tend to feel weird that they haven't settle down after reaching certain age, or feel bad about themselves because of this matter. I'm wondering if there're people out there who got the same problems as those people I care about and here I am writing this out.


So, how do you cope with your life? or your romantic relationship? Do you find yourself similar? Share your story with me (here or on instagram). I'll try and summarize this in my instagram story too (soon I promise).

Before I say good night, I'll give you some tips I found on beautifully honest

 
and a challenge for single people out there!

source: teespring.com - a challenge for 2019, anyone?

I'll be waiting for your story! Hope you all have a great day ahead!