Dear Series

Dear Parents...

12:59:00 am

Dear parents and parents to be...

to have a kid is easy, but to be parents take a lifetime responsibility. It's not a task everyone can handle. So don't need to pressure yourself to be one. And by that, I mean not to have kids if you're not ready, or if you're not up for the lifetime responsibility. Raising kids are not the same as raising pets. While your pets also take your money, attention and love, they don't have common sense and free will. BUT your human kids DO.

Dear parents and parents to be...

raising a kid is not as simple as having money to buy them food, clothes, and diapers. It's not as simple as providing them with house to live on, food to eat, and clothes to wear. There are so many more. You are responsible to teach them how to walk, talk and think, to help them improve their skills and talents, to help them develop their emotion and mental state. You have to be ready for the 1001 "WHY" questions. You have to be ready to shower them with love, attention, and recognition. And for that, you have to prepare not only your financial, but also mental and emotional state.

Dear parents and parents to be...

pleaase be there for your kids and yet let them explore the world. Watch them become their own person, and be ready to be a place they turn to when they're confused, hurt, and feeling insecure. As you're their first love and home.

Dear parents and parents to be...

remember that you kid is a responsibility that God gave you to grow together as human being. Remember they're their own person, with different skill, talent, and purpose from you. Remember that they're not yours. Let them be themselves. Remember that having kid is like getting a surprise gift. You might like what is inside, and you might not like it. Therefore, before you have kids, or before you regrets something, be prepare when your kids are different from the rest.

Dear parents and parents to be....

the world is huge and full of diversity. It's a great place for your kids to grow. Let them grow according to their talents and purposes. If they're feeling insecure or afraid, be there to support them. If they can't learn as fast as other kids, let them have their time to learn. Don't rush them. If they're different, then accept them as they are. Because you're their world, and you mean everything to them. You have a great impact on WHAT kind of person they will be. You have a great impact on HOW they grow and value themselves. You have a great impact on HOW they see the world.

You're once a kid yourself, you knew how it is to be a kid. But your kid never know how it feels to be parents. Please don't forget that.

Dear parents and parents to be...

even as a little human, your kid is a master of learning. They see, they hear, they learn, they do. Don't be quick to get angry and label them, as they have reasons for whatever they do. If they're being naughty in your point of view, please think back... they might do that to get your attention.

Dear parents...

REMEMBER that YOU ARE THE WORLD for your kids.

They crave for your love, attention, and recognition. They watch you and your responses. They listen to things you said. They watch you and they remember.

So.. have you said you love them today? Have you appreciate the little things they do for you? Most of the time, what they do might seems like extra work for you, but their intention might be to help you. They're just clumsy and still learning how to do it the right way. Appreciate it anyway.

Dear parents and parents to be....

no kids in this world have ever asked to be born. Who asked for a kid is YOU. Having kids and become a parent are your own choices. I know the society tend to push you to marry and have kids, but you have free will. When you decided to have kids, it's your responsibility to raise them properly.

Dear parents to be...

if you're not ready, please don't have kids.

Not everyone are meant to be parents. Some are just not meant to be, some are not ready yet. No need to feel inferior and incomplete if you don't want to have kids. It's your rights. Once you decided to have kids, there is no turning back. STOP making a human full of trauma and wounds.


Being parents is hard and complicated. But you decided to be one anyway. So face the consequences and take the responsibility. PERIOD.





This Dear Series is something new that popped up in my head. The idea of this series is to explain whatever struggle I have in my daily life, issues that I think about, and things that I want to convey to someone/others but can't. I will not censor anything, I will not polish the words, I will write it as what I think it as... You can skip if it's too much for you to read or if you think this is a non-sense.


See you next time.

Follow me on:


mental health

Toxic Positivity: Are you aware of it?

10:29:00 pm

Hello lovelies.. If you followed me on instagram, you'd know that I talked about Toxic Positivity on my story. However, I was using Bahasa Indonesia there. For you who doesn't understand Bahasa Indonesia, you might be confused about what were I talking about there. So I want to write it down here in English.

Some of you might be familiar about the term already, but for you who has never heard of it, I'll just give you some example to make it easier to grasp.

"Don't be sad lah! Try to remember and be thankful for every single good things that happened on your life!"

"Why do you always think so negatively? Why don't you look at the bright side of things?"


"Positive vibes only!"

"Always smile and it will make your day happier"

"Always look at the bright side!"

All those sentences might be good and said with good purposes, but we have to becareful when we say it. So when is it ok to say it so that it doesn't become toxic?

Check it out!

Yes! Before we know when is it proper to say those motivational quotes or advice, we have to know about the meaning of Toxic Positivity first!

"Toxic Positivity is a concept of thinking that focus only on positive side and reject anything  else that can revoke negative emotion"

From the definition, you can pay attention to these words; focus only on positive and reject negative emotion. So we know the difference when it's healthy positivity and toxic positivity!  One thing you have to remember is, if you keep focusing on only the positive side, it's not heatlhy for our mental health.


Because... as a human being, it's impossible to ony feel good, content, happy, and joyful. There are many emotion we can feel, not only the positive emotion, but also negative emotion like sadness, anger,  grieving, contempt, hopelessness, etc.. AND it's totally normal to feel that way.

Those emotion are normal, it helps you to recognize your state of mind and what is happening with or around you. If you only focus on how to feel happy, how to feel good and positive, you're actually lying to yourself. When you do that, you don't solve anything, you just repressing your problems or emotion down. But, the feeling and the problems are still there.. and more than not, tricking yourself into feeling happy when you're not, is making you confuse with your state of mind and what is happening in your life.

So when you keep doing it for a long time, imagine what it will cause your mental health...

Yes, it's good to look at the positive side, as long as it's in a healthy amount, and not actually putting aside the complicated and negative feeling without actually accepting and go through them properly.


Another case that usually happens is that when you doesn't care enough about what is actually happening in other people live and their struggle, and you just want a quick escape from their complicated emotion, so you just push them to be positive and degrading what is their feeling at that moment...

Those 'positivity' can look like this:

"Oh please! You have so many good things in your life. Why don't you just focus on those instead of being ungrateful?"

"Why don't you just forget about it and have fun to make yourself happy?"

and many more....

Guys, please stop that. You're making them feel bad to have negative emotion.. Like it's wrong if they complain about their problems, or if they're feeling down and sad about something.. Please, it's totally normal to feel down and sad sometimes.

If you're really care about them, stay there and listen. Maybe they're actually in a stressful situation, or in grieving phase (like a bad break up or someone precious to them just passed away)... A persuasion to cheer them up is necessary (of course) so they don't stay sad, but let them vent it out.  Let them properly feel those sadness to get over it properly. Offer your ear and shoulder if they need it.

If your mental health is not in a condition where you could listen and be there for them, then say so. It's better to be honest than to push their spirit down even more by saying inproper words. Or if they still stay sad after a period of time, then you can try to persuade them to seek professional help.


Then HOW TO STOP being toxic?

There are several step you can do..

1. Acknoledge your feeling and emotion.

If you're not used to do this, it's okay. We learn to do it slowly.

Sit down and take a deep breath. Think about what are you feeling at that moment.

Ask yourself why do you feel that way. Put a label on that emotion so it will make you easier to recognize it.

Please remember there's no right or wrong emotion, even if it's negative emotion like sadness, hopelessness, or grieving.. they're all legit emotion you can feel.

2. Take s small step to overcome your negative emotion.

After you recognize and bask in your emotion, don't forget to cheer yourself up.

Do things that will make you feel better. Take it slowly, baby step is fine too...

Please remember that every situation and people are different, so the times will vary from each other. There are also things that we can't control, so slowly learn to accept it and let it go..

Like I said before, we need a healthy amount of positivity.

What turns it into toxic positivity is when you DISREGARD your negative feeling and forcing to always be happy, content, and feel good.

3. Listen properly.

This step is for you who has friends or family member whose going through a difficult time.

Be there and listen. Don't judge, don't offer advice. Most of the time, they only need you to be there for support. And just do that.

Never blaming them for what happened, or mocking what they're feeling.

4. Encourage them to embrace what they're feeling and provide your support.

Similar to the third step, but this step is more engaging than only listen to their problems and emotion. This can be exhausting for you too, so please take care of your mental health properly.

You can say some encouraging words like "It's okay to feel sad. Take your time, I understand." or "Do you want me to do something for you?" in case they need you to stay a night to take care of them. And don't forget to encourage them to feel better after they calm down.

5. Try to write a journal or seek professional help

It will be a good way to vent your emotion out by writing a journal, and it will be easier for you to sort your feeling when you read it. You can also do it if your support system is not helping and make you feel worse rather than better.

If you're not feeling better after a while, please (and I'm really recommend it) go and look for professional help.


So, before I end this, I want to make sure the line between healthy positivity and toxic positivity is clear.

Healthy: you acknowlegde your negative emotions and embrace them.

Toxic: You dismiss your negative emotion and only wnat to accept the positive emotion instead.

Healthy: You realized that there're up and down moments in life, and that's normal.

Toxic: You feel bad if you feel sad, angry, helpless, griefing, or any other negative emotion.

Those are the difference between healthy positivity and toxic positivity.

Do you have any experiences with both healthy and toxic positivity? I'd love to listen to your stories! Drop it here in the comment, or you can always DM me in instagram...

And I'll see you lovelies next time!

See ya!


A Little Reminder to be Kind, Always

9:22:00 pm

Hello! It's been a while since I write something. I had some topic I wanted to talk about, but rather than reading, nowdays people prefer to listen to videos more. Sadly, I'm not good when I'm talking coz everything will jumble up inside my brain and I will start rambling instead of talking about what I wanted to say. But it came to a point where I miss writing. So here I am... Maybe I should write for myself instead.

So this is my self-quarantine day 62. How about you?

Quite a long time yeah? I believe you guys also do your self-quarantine properly. OK.. This post actually something that just popped up this morning... I never intended to write something these days, but a heartfelt voice note from my friend last night really touched my heart.

The backstory about this post is that voice note actually.

We're friends from high school, but we never been in the same class, but we know each other because we share the same circle of friends... But we are not that close. I think I never talk to her since we graduated from high school. Until several month ago, we start to keep in contact again, thanks to instagram. LOL.. I don't remember who starts, but I remember she was asking me to meet up. Just for 20 minutes is enough, she said.

To be honest, I'm not the type who like to hang-out with people I'm not close with. You can ask my friends, that I sometimes declined their offer to meet up.. But somehow, at that time my heart told me to meet her. And so we met up... Short story, after that meet up, we met up again several times, just to hang out and I think nothing out of it. So never in my mind, I would get such a heartfelt VN from her. I never thought that meeting up with her actually help her. All I did was meeting up with her and listen to her story.. Something I would do for my friends.

But thanks to her voice note, she made me remember that something small I do for others might be a big deal for them. It made me remember that I should keep doing it, whatever small or big; a kindness is a kindness. Don't think too much about what will I gain out of it, because sometimes, that little things I did can save someone.

Because I believe life is not about give and take; life is about giving. When you give, you also receive. When you take, you gain nothing.

And that's what I wanted to say for today. :)

Have a great day, and happy fasting for people who do..



Follow me:

girl who travel

What to Prepare for Your Solo Trip: Part 2

5:32:00 pm

image source:

Hello lovelies.... A new update is here... I planned to write this back on April, yet I forgot and ended up writing about it now. A lot things happened, my focus was rather on other things. X__X but it's okay, thanks to my friend I remembered I have blogs to update. I'm still going to write about solo travel, since it's still on my list. As I said in my previous post, I'm going to write about the practical items to prepare on your solo trip. For the preparation stage, please check my previous post HERE..

Here some tips and trick I usually do on my solo travel. Let me remind you again, this will be based on my own experiences, so maybe it might not work on you.


First thing first, please make sure your bag is comfortable and practical enough to put all your necessities inside, like passport, wallet, camera, tripod, and water bottle. For girls, maybe tissue and some lip balm will also a necessities. I don't like to bring big bag with all the time, so i usually bring a small backpack that has enough space for all that.

image source: google

I'm not the professional photographer type of traveller so I usually just bring my SONY a5000 and basic lens for taking pictures. I don't like to bring a lot of stuff, because I tend to forget things, so this work for me just fine. If you're the pro photographer type, then you need bigger bag. :)

Second, seperate your money into several places.
I'm not the type to use credit card, so I can only depend on cash or debit card. Back then before there's JENIUS, I have to rely solely on cash, haha so I have to be really careful.

I usually seperate my money into several portion. Why? Remember that even if you're cautious enough, bad things can always happen. That and it's to prevent you from spending too much on something like shopping on the first or second day.

image source: google

Here how I usually seperate my money. when I travel.. First portion is put in my wallet. Usually enough for 2-3 days worth (around 1/4 or 1/5 of my money). The second portion I put in my bag, inside the deepest pocket. Just in case your wallet got robbed, you still have your money inside your bag. I usually put 1/4 portion in there. The third portion is put in my luggages, lol.... Sometimes I also put like 10-20 dollars in my phone case, just in case.... :P

Third, put your shopping spree plan on your last two days. It's easier to see how much space your luggages have. It minimize your spending, and avoiding overweight luggages.

Fourth, things that I usually forget...... Check the charger shape in your destination country. Bring one that has complete set of international charger, and some places for USB charge. One for all kind. Easy on your luggage space too.

image source: google

Fifth, rather than wifi pocket, better buy local simcard. No need for extra charging devices, so you can save space for your camera, phone, and powerbank instead. Simcard nowdays has better package deal and the price is considerably cheaper than wifi pocket. Remember that you use it alone. If you go in groups, then better use wifi pocket (if you don't have any seperate plan).

Sixth, the tripod. Don't need to bring big heavy tripod anymore, you can always buy the compact one. ;) one that fit in you small bag.

Seventh, bring tote bag for plastic bag replacement. ;)


Yes, you might have plan your itinerary well. But the condition can be different from what you expected, count the weather too. So maybe you need to be more flexible when you travel, and sometimes, you need to depend on other people too.... So here's what I usually do to make my trip more enjoyable.....

1. Learn some basic language.
Like Excuse me, Hello, Thank you. And also important questions like where is the toilet, what is it, and how much is it. For me, I like to know some question to help me with shopping. So the first thing I learn is how to ask the price, how to count, and how to haggle. :) It worked so well when I was in Korea. :D
image source: google

2. Smile and be friendly.

image source: lonelyplanet

You're alone in foreign country. Some might not be able to speak english. So when you're in a pinch, it's always helpful to smile and ask a stranger. Sometimes this work when you're shopping too... I usually try to talk nicely to the seller, not necessarily haggle... just talk a-b-c-d then when you try to ask for cheaper price, usually they give cheaper price... This only work on places where they don't have other costumer yeah so you can talk more at ease. Busy store won't give you much attention and time... Maybe this also work better because I'm a girl. Have you ever tried this trick? Please let me know if it works for you too...

I have a lot of good experiences when I travel alone; like getting help from strangers, sometimes getting some freebies too... 

3. Meet new friends.
Travelling alone is a good chance to meet new people. You don't have anyone else to focus on, so you can try talking to strangers who share your room or hostel. I met several people from my last trip to Korea and Thailand. We went to the festival, talk and eat together.

image source: google

Some might be your real friends. :) You can always as for contact exchange when you feel comfortable with them. If you're clicked, maybe you can keep in contact and travel together in the future.. :)

4. Ask your friends for guides.
If you have friend(s) in your destination country, it'll be great to contact them and meet up. If they don't live there, you can always ask for pointer. The key is be nice when you asking and do your research first, it will be easier for your friends to answer your questions too. :) Don't expect them to make the itinerary for you. Do your research, if you still have questions, then ask them.

Those are my tips and trick for solo traveller. If you share same opinion or have different experiences, please let me know. I'd love to know more point of view and your experiences! :)

See you again lovelies~!

Follow me:

images are taken from

Discover yourself

Self Love: The Basic of Everything

6:33:00 pm

Halo honeybees! Kalian pasti sudah pernah dengar soal self love kan? Nah, kali ini aku mau ngebahas soal self love... Kalau kalian googling soal self love, banyak website yang sudah membahas soal self love sebenarnya, tapi article yang OK banyakan pakai bahasa inggris. Nah kali ini aku mau bahas menggunakan bahasa Indonesia karena targetnya ya orang Indonesia.

Pertama-tama, aku mau kasih definisinya self love dulu. Definisi ini aku rangkum setelah baca beberapa artikel mengenai self love, salah satunya dari Mungkin agak membingungkan kalau cuma baca definisi ini, karena aku sendiri agak bingung mengatur kata-katanya. But I did my best for this definition....


self love itu suatu kondisi kontinu dimana kita menerima dan menghargai diri kita terlepas dari mood kita atau apa yang sedang kita rasakan saat itu. Kondisi penerimaan diri dan menghargai diri sendiri ini dibangun dengan melakukan berbagai hal yang menunjang perkembangan fisik, spiritual, dan mental/psikologis kita.

Sebenarnya, kalau mau diartikan harafiah saja bisa. Self love adalah mencintai diri sendiri. Tuh gampangnya. Tapi arti harafiah itu tidak menggambarkan apa yang ingin aku bahas di sini, makanya aku cari definisi yang bisa menggambarkan isi hati dan otak aku.

OH YA, self love ini TIDAK SAMA dengan narcissistic ya! Dua hal ini beda banget. Nah yuk kita bahas sebelum kepanjangan....


Setelah definisi, aku mau ngomongin kenapa sih, self love itu penting?
Ada beberapa alasan sih kalau menurut aku....

1. Kita jadi tahu boundaries kita.

Salah satu langkah untuk bisa menerima dan menghargai diri kita sendiri itu pasti ga jauh-jauh dari mengenal dulu. 'Tak kenal, maka tak sayang,' itu kata pepatah yang relevan banget. Apapun topiknya, mulainya pasti dari mengenal diri sendiri dulu.

Nah saat kita sudah mengenal diri kita, kita lama-lama akan sadar apa yang bisa kita terima dan yang tidak. Kita jadi terbiasa memperlakukan diri kita sebaik mungkin, dan nggak akan ngebiarin orang lain memperlakukan kita di luar batasan yang kita punya.

Contohnya ya.. Aku sayang diri aku, dan aku punya beberapa kriteria yang tidak bisa aku terima. Misalnya aku paling ga suka kalau dipukul. Nah aku ga akan mau pacaran sama orang yang suka mukul. Misal yang kedua, aku ga suka kalau dimanfaatin, ya aku ga akan temenan sama orang yang suka manfaatin orang.

Nah, honeybees nih mesti hati-hati sama orang yang suka pakai istilah self love tapi sebenarnya bukan. Kalau istilah inggrisnya sih aku bilang being a jerk, kalau bahasa Indonesia-nya aku ga tau. haha... Ada satu hal yang membedakan antara self love sama being a jerk, yaitu mistreatment.

You're deserved to be treated with respect.
You're deserved to be showered with compliments.
You're deserved to enjoy your me time alone or with someone special.
You're deserved to feel happy and content.

You deserved it all, but not by stomping on others' virtue and rights.

It's not self love if you mistreat someone just to make yourself feel worthy.
It's not self love when you say something hurtful just to make yourself feel good.
It's not self love when you force someone to do things for you to make you feel good.
It's not self love when you make others feel bad just to make you feel happy and content.

Intinya adalah ga menginjak-injak martabat dan harga diri orang lain.

2. Self-image dan kepercayaan diri meningkat.

Ini sih salah satu yang aku rasain juga. Yang paling kerasa banget adalah gimana aku mempersepsikan dan menerima diri aku sih. Saat ada orang yang bilang aku gendutan, ya aku biasa aja. Kalau memang berat aku naik, ya ngaku aja tanpa ada hard feeling. Terus ya habis itu ya ga sampai jadi mempengaruhi pemikiran aku tentang diri aku sendiri. Atau misalnya aku ketemu sama temen baru, aku jadi lebih percaya diri untuk memulai percakapan duluan dan ngobrol sambil lihat mata teman ngobrol. Itu hal-hal yang dulu aku ga bisa lakukan.

Hal yang menyenangkan adalah kata-kata orang lain itu jadi ga langsung masuk ke hati dan pikiran kita, ga men-define kita punya worth juga. Lalu kalau kita punya self-image yang oke, kita ga gampang kebawa kata-kata orang atau trend yang tidak sehat.

3. Jadi termotivasi untuk improve diri sendiri.

Pernah ga denger kata-kata ini?

'When you like a flower, you will pick it up. When you love a flower, you will water it daily.'

Nah, sama seperti diri kita sendiri! Kalau kita sayang dan cinta sama diri sendiri, kita pasti mau donk supaya kita jadi lebih baik. Kita jadi mau improve pengetahuan kita, skill kita, dan memperbaiki kebiasaan buruk kita. Intinya belajar supaya kita jadi pribadi yang lebih baik deh!

Untuk improve diri bisa dengan banyak baca buku, baca artikel, berteman dengan orang-orang yang positif, belajar hal baru, mencoba hal baru... gitu deh..


Setelah membahas pentingnya self love, aku mau ngomongin soal gimana caranya mencintai diri sendiri. Yeay!

First thing first! Aku mau kasih tahu dulu kalau self love itu ga hilang timbul tergantung mood atau perasaan kalian ya! Self love itu continuous state, apa tuh bahasa Indonesianya? ahaha... ya intinya dia ga berubah, selalu ada di diri kalian, ga peduli mood kalian lagi jelek atau nggak, perasaan kalian lagi campur aduk atau ga... tetep kalian mencintai diri kalian apa adanya...

Second..... kalian harus kerja keras untuk sampai tahap bener-bener menerima dan menghargai diri kalian sendiri. Secara pribadi sih, aku kerja keras buat sampai di tahap sekarang ini.... Apa aja yang aku lakukan selama ini? Nih ada beberapa hal yang aku lakuin....

1. Be curious about yourself.

Ya, namanya tahap penjajakan kan, pertama pasti harus kenal dulu. Seperti yang aku bilang di atas kalau ga kenal maka tak sayang. Makanya kalian harus penasaran sama diri sendiri, cari tahu lebih banyak soal diri sendiri, dengar pendapat orang-orang yang bisa dipercaya (misalnya sahabat atau saudara), refleksi diri, tes kepribadian kalian, dan berbagai hal lain yang bisa membuat kalian lebih mengenal diri kalian sendiri.

Nah kalau aku sih secara pribadi memang suka mikir. Jadi aku suka mengingat-ingat lagi aku orangnya seperti apa. Ga cuma sisi-sisi jelek aja yang aku pikirin, tapi sisi baik di diri aku juga aku pikirin. Aku dulu termasuk tipikal orang Indonesia yang kalau ditanya ''Kamu orang seperti apa?" atau disuruh mendeskripsikan diri, maka jawaban aku adalah, "kalau kata ...... aku itu orangnya ......" Tuh kaya gitu. Sekarang sih alhamdulillah jawabnya sudah ga seperti itu, karena aku sudah tahu aku orangnya seperti apa..... hahaha...

Nah selain hal-hal dasar seperti sifat, aku juga refleksiin diri gimana aku merespon situasi tertentu, kebiasaan-kebiasaan aku, dan pola pikir aku. Pokoknya segala hal yang berhubungan dengan ''aku'' itu aku pikirin. Selain kebiasaan mikir sendiri ini, aku juga dengerin kata-kata adek aku dan teman-teman terdekat aku.

Kenapa mendengar pendapat orang lain juga penting? Karena seringnya kita suka tidak mau melihat kejelekan diri kita sendiri. Kalau aku tuh biasanya nada ngomongnya suka ga enak kalau sudah ga suka sama seseorang. Ini hal yang aku ga sadar selalu lakukan dan disadari oleh adik aku. Kesel ga waktu dibilangin? Ya kesel. Emosi ga waktu dinasehatin? Ya emosi. Ego aku serasa dicabik-cabik. Tapi ya memang dia mengatakan yang sebenarnya dan aku jadi sadar dan belajar juga. Belajar menerima dan belajar supaya menjaga nada bicara dan kebiasaan ngomong sarkastik yang masih belum bisa hilang juga. *ups*

Sifat yang jelek ini aku sadari dan aku terima sebagai bagian dari diri aku. Tapi lalu jangan bilang, ''ya ini kan aku. Kamu ga mau terima ya sudah, bukan urusan aku." Itu bukan self love namanya. Jujur, aku pernah ada di kondisi egois seperti itu. Waktu awal-awal mencoba self love, saat belum mengerti maksud sebenarnya dari self love. Saat kamu mengerti, self love itu bukan saat kamu dengan egois memaksa orang menerima diri kamu yang ga mau berkembang, tapi saat kamu sadar dan bisa menerima dengan lapang dada bahwa kamu punya kekurangan, dan berusaha menjadi lebih baik

2. Be kind to yourself.

Terus kalo gitu, apa yang bisa dibilang self love donk?
Karena sudah bisa dibawa masuk ke ranah kedua, aku langsung potong penjelasan di atas dan lanjutin di poin kedua ini ya...

Ya selain menerima diri kamu, self love itu saat kamu bisa mengapresiasi apa yang sudah kamu (berusaha) lakukan. Istilah kerennya be compassionate to yourself. Kalau ga ngerti istilah compassionate, ada istilah yang lagi in nih... Pernah dengar istilah pamper yourself? Atau istilah me time? Nah itu dua bentuk self compassionate yang lagi in dan paling sering dipakai oleh orang-orang. Contoh paling gampangnya ya pergi nyalon, meni-pedi, pergi nonton ke bioskop sendiri, jalan-jalan puterin Jakarta sendiri, pokoknya hal-hal yang kamu enjoy lakukan sendiri atau sama orang lain deh.

Jadi ya itu, be kind to yourself. Jangan terlalu keras sama diri sendiri. Apa kamu ga kasihan sama dir sendiri? Sudah berusaha keras masih dihukum sama diri sendiri. Ingatlah bahwa diri kita adalah kritikus yang paling kejam untuk diri sendiri. Jadi ya....Intinya kamu harus tahu mana yang memotivasi, mana yang menjatuhkan diri kamu sendiri.

Misalnya, kamu kecewa berat setelah bersusah payah mengerjakan tugas eh, cuma dapat C. Ya terima perasaan kecewa kamu, jangan ga dianggap. Tapi jangan karena kamu dapat C terus kamu jadi menganggap diri kamu ga pintar. Kegagalan dapat nilai A tidak lalu membuat kualitas diri kamu turun kok. Kalau kamu mau memotivasi diri kamu sendiri, lebih baik memotivasi diri dengan cara bilang ke diri kamu sendiri bahwa berikutnya kamu akan mengerjakan dengan persiapan yang lebih baik.

Contoh lainnya nih... Kamu lagi stress sama kerjaan. Lembur terus sebulan terakhir, kena omel bos karena ngerjain kerjaan salah, terus di rumah jadi uring-uringan dan satu keluarga kena omel semua. Mood senggol-bacok nih kalau aku bilang. Stress itu ada, jangan disepelekan dan ga dianggap serius. Tapi jangan karena kerjaan lagi menumpuk terus kena omel bos terus lalu kamu jadi menganggap kamu ga bisa apa-apa dan self-esteem kamu jadi turun. Atau karena kamu ngomelin orang rumah karena hal-hal kecil kamu jadi merasa diri kamu anak durhaka. NO! Kamu perlu menyadari dan menerima kalau situasinya memang lagi tidak di pihakmu, dan membuat kamu jadi melampiaskan ke orang rumah. Tapi kamu ga perlu terlalu keras sama diri kamu. Instead of jadi uring-uringan di rumah, ada baiknya saat kamu di rumah kamu memanjakan diri kamu dengan hal-hal yang kamu suka. Misalnya, nonton drama korea yang kamu suka, minta mama masakin makanan kesukaan kamu, mandi berendam pakai bathbomb yang kamu beli di Lush sambil dengerin musik...

Atau misalnya kamu sudah berhasil melewati sebulan yang penuh rintangan dan air mata, you deserved a good time alone or with your loved one! Pergi sana ke salon, atau tidur seharian, atau main games... apapun lah... pokoknya kasi reward ke diri kamu sendiri...

Kalau kamu bingung gimana mulai baik-baikin diri sendiri, mikirnya gini.....

Kalau yang mengalami hal itu adalah orang-orang tersayangmu, apa yang akan kamu katakan dan lakukan buat dia?

Nah lakukan itu ke dirimu sendiri... :)

I do this too. :) You will start appreciate what you tried to do, failed or not... and in the end, your will be kinder to yourself.

3. It's okay if you act on your feeling or thought. Kalau kataku sih, terima dan dibawa enjoy aja... and always remember to be compassionate..

Kalau ada yang perhatiin, aku dari tadi nulis soal perasaan dan mood.. nah ini salah satu poin penting yang ga boleh dilewatkan. Balik lagi ke definisi yang aku tulis di atas, self love itu continuous state, kondisi yang selalu ada apapun mood kamu atau dalam keadaan apapun.

Di poin ini aku mau ngejelasin bahwa kita itu gampang mengapresiasi diri kalau yang kita lakukan itu berhasil, kalau mood kita lagi senang, kalau semuanya berjalan sesuai rencana dan ekspektasi kita, dan kalau kita lagi 'di atas'. Nah, bagaimana kalau kita lagi di posisi bawah? Kalau kita lagi merasa sendiri? Kalau kita gagal, kalau kita lagi sedih, marah, cemas, atau takut? Bisa ga kita TETAP suka sama diri kita? Bisa ga kita TETAP sayang sama diri kita?

Kalau belum bisa, artinya kita belum self love.

Biar jelas, aku kasih beberapa contoh lain dari self love yang dibarengi dengan compassion nih...

Saat kamu nggak dapat kenaikan jabatan yang kamu tunggu-tunggu, terus kamu bisa bilang ke diri kamu sendiri kalau walaupun kamu ga naik jabatan, tapi kamu itu tetap karyawan dengan kinerja baik. Kenaikan jabatan itu tidak mewakili apakah kamu karyawan yang baik atau buruk.

Saat kamu kelepasan marah-marah ke anak/orangtua, terus kamu bisa bilang ke diri kamu sendiri bahwa iya kamu salah sudah marah-marah ke anak/orangtuamu, tapi itu tidak membuat kamu menjadi anak durhaka atau orangtua yang jahat. Ingatlah bahwa semua orang pernah berbuat salah, kamu perlu mengakui kesalahanmu dan meminta maaf.

Terus gimana caranya supaya bisa sampai di titik itu? It takes times and practice, baby.... Segala hal yang berharga itu butuh waktu, tenaga, dan pengorbanan. Ga ada yang instan di sini... Seperti kataku yang sudah-sudah, pertama kamu harus menerima dulu apa yang kamu rasakan dan pikirkan, kecemasan-kecemasanmu, kegagalanmu, kesalahan-keasalahanmu di masa lalu. Jangan diabaikan. Jangan dikubur dalam-dalam. Segala kecemasan, kegagalan, kesalahan, dan perasaanmu.... semua itu bukan hal yang aneh dan buruk yang perlu dipendam dalam-dalam. Dengan kamu menerima keberadaan mereka, kamu akan lebih tenang dalam menghadapi mereka. :)

Yang kedua, setelah kamu menerima itu semua, latihan buat bilang bahwa diri kamu itu berharga, you're fine the way you're, walaupun kamu punya banyak kegagalan, kesalahan, dan hal-hal lainnya, itu tidak membuat kamu less precious, less worthy.. Lakukan terus setiap hari. Semakin sering kamu dengar kata-kata ini, kamu akan semakin percaya bahwa diri kamu bernilai dan pantas untuk disayangi.

Yang ketiga, tuh balik ke poin no.2..... be kind to yourself. Lakukan hal-hal yang bisa bikin kamu senang... Puter aja terus sampai akhirnya kamu bisa mengapresiasi diri kamu saat kamu ada di posisi yang tidak menyenangkan.

It's hard, I know. I've been there before, and I'm still there sometimes. But it's okay, we're just human after all. Selama kita hidup, akan ada hal-hal baru yang akan kita pelajari dan hadapi. Akan ada hal-hal yang membuat kita jatuh, sedih, kecewa, dan lain-lain. Tapi itu tantangan baru untuk bisa menjadi lebih baik.

4. Kelilingi diri kita dengan orang-orang yang positif.

Jangan pernah merasa bahwa kita bisa mencapai titik pencerahan itu tanpa bantuan orang lain... Nu-uh. Nay... Kita butuh orang lain. Ingat di atas aku ngejelasin bahwa ada hal-hal yang ga aku sadari tapi disadari oleh orang di sekitarku. Itu satu bukti bahwa kita butuh orang lain, even dalam mencapai self-love.

Memang sih, self love kan harusnya penilaian diri kita terhadap diri kita sendiri. Tapi dalam prosesnya, kita perlu dibantu orang lain. Peran orang lain ini ya, bisa sebagai social support kita, motivator kita, pengingat kita, sampai influencer buat kita. Pernah dong denger kalau 5 orang terdekat kita itu punya pengaruh membentuk kita? Nih gampangnya gini.... kalau kamu dikelilingi sama orang-orang yang sukanya menjatuhkan kamu, ngatain kamu yang jelek-jelek, gimana kamu bisa mengubah pandanganmu? 1 orang lawan sekian banyak orang. Baru kamu maju 1 langkah, kamu didorong mundur 5 langkah.

Daripada aku ngejelasin panjang lebar, aku kasi contoh nyatanya deh. Diri aku sendiri.
Pertama kali aku praktekin self love ini, awalnya gara-gara temen aku. Nah tuh.

5 tahun yang lalu, dimana masih jarang banget aku ketemu orang Indonesia yang punya kebiasaan memuji, aku ketemu seorang teman yang tidak segan memuji orang, bahkan untuk hal remeh temeh macam baju, hairdo, atau make up. Tahu ga reaksi aku waktu pertama kali denger pujian dia? Dengan awkward aku ngeliat dia, terus mengernyitkan dahi sambil mikir, ini orang mau apa? Mungkin dia sadar reaksi aku, terus dia ngomong, ''ya ga ada salahnya kan muji orang? Emang lu ga suka dipuji?" Ya sejujurnya sih ga salah, tapi itu aneh. Apaan ga ada apa-apa dipuji. Aku dapet nilai 10 waktu ujian aja kayanya ga ada yang memuji... Itu pikiran aku 5 tahun yang lalu.... Nah ini dia lakukan ke semua orang. Sampai akhirnya aku terbiasa mendengar pujian dari dia, dan ga merasa awkward. I felt good instead. Senang gitu kan, mood jadi happy. Sampai akhirnya aku bisa ikutan memuji orang. Lalu aku berpikir (mikir lagi), kenapa dulu aku bisa merespon seaneh itu. haha.... lalu mulailah aku banyak explore soal self image, yang lama-lama menuju ke self love. Itulah perjalanan aku mengenal istilah self love.

Nah, kalau aku ga temenan sama dia, mungkin aku ga akan berubah dan mikirin hal ini. Teman aku di sini berperan sebagai influencer dan motivator aku. Itulah kenapa, mengelilingi diri kamu dengan orang-orang yang positif sebenarnya membantu sekali, apalagi untuk tahap-tahap awal. :) By the way, kalian bisa juga minta tolong ke tenaga profesional, seperti psikolog misalnya... cuma ya kalian harus keluar uang untuk konseling.

Nah di luar itu, kalau kalian dikelilingi oleh orang-orang yang positif, kalian juga akan lebih termotivasi untuk menjadi lebih baik. Hal-hal yang kalian obrolin dan diskusiin ya seputar hal-hal yang positif juga. Mungkin itu juga alasan kenapa influencer mainnya sama sesama influencer. Tapi lalu jangan jadi ketergantungan sama teman-teman kalian ya. Untuk menjadi lebih baik itu tugas kalian, untuk mengapresiasi diri sendiri itu tugas kalian. Teman-teman kalian itu ada untuk men-support kalian aja dari samping. Misalnya ketergantungan itu ya, kalian ga cari tahu info sendiri dan cuma mengandalkan info dari teman, atau misalnya kalian jadi mencari pengakuan dari teman-teman kalian biar ego kalian juga naik. That's not self-love ya honeybees....

5. Read more. Practice more.

Karena konsep self love itu abstrak, dan lebih banyak pakai feeling dalam prakteknya, kalian harus banyak cari tahu. Banyak baca topik-topik yang sejenis, yang serupa tapi tak sama.  Dari situ kalian akan tahu lebih banyak dan lebih luas. Dengan pengetahuan yang lebih banyak dan luas itu, kalian bisa punya lebih banyak pilihan untuk dipraktekkan langsung ke diri kalian. :)


Itu yang biasanya aku lakukan ke diri aku sendiri. Nah, kalian sudah ada yang mencoba belum? Atau baru mau mencoba? Let me know your story ya! :D Kalau kalian nggak mau share di sini, bisa langsung DM aku loh di instagram.

Sebelum aku pamit, aku mau share gambar terakhir buat kalian semua....

Tuh, kalian bisa bilang kata-kata itu ke diri kalian sebagai motivasi untuk terus melangkah maju! :)

Have a great day, and happy 74th independence day, Indonesia!

See you again!

Image source: with ''self love'' as keywords.