Good day to everyone! How's your summer going on? Remember in my last post I said that I'm going to update more about my short trip to Gotemba? Sorry, but that have to wait. This time I was rewriting my deleted post about what I promised in my instagram post a week ago.

If you followed my instagram, you will know which post I'm talking about. If you don't, please go and follow me now!, check it out now... In the caption I said I was rewriting the caption over and over and decided to save the long story for people who's actually care enough to want to know more about it. And to my surprise, a lot of people encourage me to share more about it. So here it is......

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WARNING!!

It will be long and boring, with sensitive topic. Turn back before you die of boredom~

You've been warned!

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For starters, I will explain the environment I'm growing up in, to make it clear where's my position and why I thought I was weird AF...

I was born into catholic family, in Indonesia, where's social value was hold as narrow-minded as ants' hole. I was raised with some value I found it weird and questionable. I never dared to question it out loud because we kids just follow our parents, teachers, and community's instruction, without questions. YES. Otherwise, you will be branded as troublesome kids or naughty kids, and the likes. So I love to keep everything to myself and in the end, I always feel like I'm weird AF. Not that anyone knows about it, even my own lovely siblings who've been supportive as they can be. And let make me clear, I was born nearly 30 years ago, with a little bit too small social boundaries that made my friends' circle as small as my bathtub.

What? You wanted to know what kind of value we have? Ok, for starters, we, Indonesian (well, most of us), believe we have to be straight as an arrow, get married and produce kids to fill the world. Other orientation? you'd surely be branded as sinner and would go to hell. If you're a girl, you have to wear skirt, be pretty, have long hair, pay attention to your physical appearance, and can do house chores. If you're a boy, you can't be seen crying, have to be macho, strong, and show all that masculine treats. If you behave otherwise, you'll be damned.

Yeah, welcome to my hell of society. And until I was in middle school, I thought nothing of it. What? I was a kid. A not so normal kid. I started to wonder about it because at that time, there's this one tomboy girl in my school who liked to tease me. A childish teasing if I think about it now. She liked to stand in front of me and prevent me from going home. I thought she was just being playful even though we never been in the same class or talk that much, until my best friends got angry and said something hurtful to her. I didn't remember what my friend said and I didn't even get what she was saying (I was super dense I knew), but I still remembered how she stopped smiling and let me go home. And after that, she never approach me anymore. That day my friend even told me to get angry or ignore her and say 'don't approach me anymore' to her if she continued doing it. I didn't remember what my respond were (I think it was my defense mechanism to forget events I don't want to remember).

For a while, her hurtful expression just stuck in my mind. I knew my friend just got ticked off and just wanted to make her stop, but she got hurt. I began to wonder if it's because her boyish appearance or her tomboyish attitude, but everyone I knew thought she's weird. After that incident, I got interested in why people thought she's weird and got to know some bad gossip about her (you know, teenage girls hang out together... most of the time, we only talk about rubbish gossip.. or maybe it was in my time only.. i dunno). Is being different a bad thing? She was kind enough and being friendly to me, so I didn't see why everyone saying bad things about her. But well, I didn't do anything at that time and I regretted it. Until now, I wanted to go back in time and smacked my past self in the head for being a coward and let her go her way. So if she's well and healthy out there, and accidentally stumbled upon this post of mine, I hope she forgives my friends and me.

With time, I found more about other sexual orientation beside heterosexual. While everyone I knew thought it was disgusting and just wrong, I was questioning about why do everyone think it is wrong? Even in the church, we're not welcoming homosexual people. For years, I was feeling so guilty for thinking they're no different from me, from us. They just like someone from the same sex as them. No big deal. I even thought why God created them to be different and being condemned and hated by others? Didn't He love them too? I was searching for answers for years. There's time where I feel like my religion is just wrong. They preached on love and forgiveness but do no such thing. They still judge and discriminate.

But well, God has His own plan. I was glad that I took psychology as my university major and learned a whole new things all together. It opened my eyes, a lot. Even though I got to know that it was just a matter of personal preferences, sometimes I still found myself thinking if I was weird for supporting their right as human beings, as I looking at the issues being brought to the media recently... specially in my own country. But with time and support from both people I never got to meet (all thanks to social media) and people I actually met, I will gladly say I'm not all that weird. LOL 

If I was born and growing up in different environment, I might not find myself weird. As you might say, my thinking was all fine and normal, but with the context and background story, it could be seen differently. My supportive fellas always said, we're all unique and one of a kind. We should embrace our weirdo side and just be who we are. I was glad I got to know these awesome fellas, all thanks to God (and some) with the help of social media.

We might have our own story. So this is my story. What's yours? I'd love to know your story too (doesn't have to be as sensitive as mine). I'll be waiting!

xoxo

Anastasia

credit:

photos are taken with Fujifilm XT20

lens: 3.5mm, f 1,4

by Sannie Xen 

 

 

 

 

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A little bit after going back to Indonesia, I went to one of my best friend's wedding in Samarinda, Borneo. A short trip and a reunion. I haven't meet them for almost 4 years, and I was so glad I could make it. It was a month ago though, but I still feel happy for my friend and her husband. :) all the best wishes for both of them.

After my little reunion with my ESMOD friends, I have to go back to Tokyo for family emergency issues, so yeah, I'm back in Tokyo. My plan on working got postponed for several months. I was kinda excited to start working, but let just say God wanted me to have longer holiday. I will write some post about Tokyo, so stay tuned!

So far, I've been wandering around Harajuku and Omotesando since my apartment is in Aoyama, and I only need 10-15 minutes walk to Omotesando. Got to spend time in the hospital for some time too, so I haven't roaming around other area. It's not me who got admitted to the hospital, but one of my family member.

There are some things I noticed after going in and out of the hospital for two weeks. It's so different from hospital in Jakarta. The patients are free to roam around, like sitting in the lounge, go down to buy their own snack in the convinience store at 2nd floor, and having visitor(s) in the lounge area. The nurse have to see you drink the medicine before they proceed to take your blood pressure and your temperature. The food menus change everyday and they actually balance the diet (they put your name and room number on each tray to make it feel more personal). And we have to put back the tray ourselves, this is one of the nicest point, like you still have to be independent. LOL.

Next I will update more about my first journey to Gotemba, so stay tune!

xoxo

Anastasia

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credit:

photos are taken with Fujifilm XT20

lens: 3.5mm, f 1,4

by Sannie Xen

 

Hello! As always, I never really write back here.... Life, so far so good; with a bit of school project that takes 85% of my times. It's the last project before I have to face my exam and final presentation and got my oh-so-deserved-holiday.

Not much happening after my winter holiday, but good vibes. Sure, the projects are killing me deep inside, but the praises got me hang in the cliff. Seriously. Before my winter break, I felt like I made a mistake by coming to Tokyo, and what not, all my school scores are not that good; just your usual B and B- there and there.. Forgive me not, if I stayed at Jakarta, I would be graduated already and had my own brand. But scratch that, I'm stuck with the school still.....

I really hated my life 2 months ago, and was thinking what should I do to actually be free.... I was able to hang on until the last moment before I actually broke down that I have to talk to my teacher about this shitty problem of mine. Her encouragement was really helpful and made me feel better. She pointed out my improvement in those 9 months and trying to convince me to talk on her if something happening or I have problems. Thanks to her (and my lovely translator and friends), I were able to go through my crisis.

Seriously, kids! If you're thinking to go to fashion school and thinking like it's only drawing and sewing, with a lot of free time to go shopping, or the chances to attend fashion show and be a blogger, better think twice, no, hundreds time before you actually enrolled to one (and if someone actually say it in front of me, then I'll make sure to punch them in the face).

The real fashion school is hell. Believe me! Unless it's your true passion, don't even try to dip your feet there. Sure, the main subjects are design and pattern-making class that consist of drawing, coloring, and sewing; but it doesn't stop there........

In design class:

You have to do research,

have yourself inspired and full of imagination while there's no time to find inspiration because you're stuck inside the classroom or your room doing your project,

keep up with the trend,

be as creative as f*ck when trying to figure what kind of original fabric and print without being accused as copy-cat;

and in the same time still have to connect with your project theme and concept,

have to discover your preference and style in design,

have to come up with around 30 design every project,

have an illustrator skill and able to do more than one technique to draw and color your design,

have a photoshop and illustrator skill,

have to come up with new silhouette and details for your collection.

In pattern-making class:

have your logic running in pattern class,

able to do basic math,

have to analyze your design and come up with the measurement,

able to imagine how the lines will form the silhouette and work from there,

have to be super careful when tracing,

have to keep redoing your pattern to be able to make the right silhouette based on your design,

able to do CAD for pattern (computer based pattern-making) that's confusing as hell,

have to remember all the step when sewing,

make sure it's sewn right on the seam line or you have to redo it,

have to remember to iron your fabric before cutting, after some sewing step, and after finish sewing,

and there're other classes as well.....

history, croquis, 3D class, computer class, and some might have fashion marketing class......

Some of us might not have time to shower before go to school, have to put make-up on our way to school or just give up on putting make-up, and pull all-nighter every now and then....

All you see on instagram is just the tiny bit of our school life....... that glamorous life, it's just the 1%....

But then, when you're finished with the sewing process and can actually wear your own creation, all your all-nighter, your tears, your hard work are paid off.... and it's totally worth it! :)

So, are you still up for fashion school? Kindly tell me below~

xoxo

Anastasia

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[Part 1]
 The photos are taken in Disneysea, Tokyo, but rather than writing about my fun day to get you jealous, I rather use these photo while writing about my thought. Beside, I believe most of you already visit Disneyland countless time, so what's the meaning of me bragging about my once in a lifetime visit.

Hype my lookbook:

TBC,

Anastasia

こんにちは、皆さん！(≧∇≦)/

It's been a week from the new year, maybe some of us already go back to our daily activities like work and school, but I'm still in my holiday. （￣ー￣）Some of you may say that I'm lucky, but I don't see myself as lucky. I got 3 weeks of holiday, yeah it's cool.... but when you don't have money and plans, it can get totally boring.

I can't wait for my school to start again so I can do something other than playing games and cooking.

By the way, some of you might read my announcement in facebook, or line that my instagram account was lost. I tried to search how to make it appear again, but there's no way.

So instead of mourning for long time, I made a new account. Please follow my instagram @anastasia.goenawan okay! :)

Anyway, how's 2015 so far?

What's your resolution? :)

I don't have any resolution yet, but I do have some wish regarding the new year!

I wish I get a part-time job this month, and a good but cheap apartment.

I also wish this year will be good to all of us.

We might face problems, but I hope those problems will teach us to be more wise and mature!

we still have 300++ days ahead,

I hope our day will be a colorful and happy day.

Stay positive, and be happy!

What I wore:

Gaudi denim top | pink sweater from Shimokitazawa | Flowe skirt from thrift shop

tight is from Harajuku | Shoes from June+Julia | Backpack from Mangga Dua

Hat from thrift shop | DIY bracelet

See you again!

xoxo

Anastasia

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credit:

photos are taken with Sony alpha 5000

edited by me

I know very well how hardworking Japanese people are, but it's too much.

They tend to overwork themselves.

I was surprised to know their working hour is from 9AM to 8PM, and most of them don't go home before 11PM or 12AM.

A real contrast from Indonesian people. We only work from 8-9AM to 5PM,

and most of us go home right after 5PM (if we don't have to work overtime).

Hey! If you spend all your day in the office, when will you spend your time with your spouse and children? When will you have time for yourself?

I think maybe it's one of the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in Japan,

and the needs to be married and have children are getting low and low.

One thing leads to other things. It's the law of our nature. What we are now is a product of what we did in the past.